In between drinking, napping and churning out shit blogs I have been a-pondering. The blog on crying (or lack there of, instead opting to remain an emotionless void) and various comments on it got me thinking. And there was something else that got me thinking too. But then I forgot it. So instead of phillosphising,I shall just tell you the events of my day. Then phillosophise about them.
Basically today consisted of sleeping, then getting my ass in gear to go meet the teachers from my kindergarten for a posh buffet dinner in a hotel in Hung Hom. I managed to get a little lost in Hung Hom station- well it's BIG for Hong Kong!- but luckily some of the teachers had waited to greet a sweaty, panting and flustered Melly as she skidded towards them on the tiled floor at rate of knots. The resturant had a great view of the Hong Kong skyline. Sadly, most of Hung Hom was in the way but wisely they had built the resturant high enough so that when you were seated you couldn't see the boxy concrete buildings below, only the dazzling skyline of the island. The buildings snaking up towards The Peak looked precariously perched from that angle, one false move and they'd all clatter into the harbour like dominoes. Not that you could see the harbourfront, so I suppose a couple might have gone that way and we'd never have noticed.
It' a funny thing, but at school-related occasions the teachers, headmistress and principal sit at one table and the teaching assistants and the sum sums at another. (The sum sums are our 'aunties'. They cook, clean,fix stuff, take the kids to the toilet... pretty much do everything except perform nuclear fisson). It's not like they don't get along, obviously each class teacher spends more time with their assistant than they do with any of the other teachers and everyone loves our sum sums. I suppose it must be a heirachy thing, and though it may seem a bit daft to extend to a casual night out, in HK everyone knows their place. Mine was to teach English; teach and not point out any obvious problems, merely to let them occur and play dumb. To do anything as radical as to bring a problem to the attention of the higher-ups would be frowned upon because you were pointing out a mistake they had made and so highlighting their imperfection which as a mere pleb you had no right to do. Also, you were causing them hassle. Hassle they had to fix. It is far better to let something quietly go a little wrong than make a noisy fuss to get it perfect.
Anyway, as the token white chick (and occasional loveable bufoon) I got a place of honour next to Miss Ma, my principal. She's always referred to herself as my 'Hong Kong mother' but now I'm no longer under her employ I'm allowed to call her 'Kimmy Mummy'. In her role as my adopted mother over the past two and a half years she has seen to it that I've eaten a lot of cake, lent me her umbrella many times over as I always seem to forget mine when the universe schedules a pissdown, and told me I am fat. Miss Ma: 'Miss Melissa, your legs very thin' Me: 'Thank you Miss Ma' Miss Ma: 'But your stomach very fat! Ha ha ha!'. This is just the Chinese way, and it's done with love, just a part of the Asian mother repetoire so you must take it with good humour. Over-sensitive types, do not move to Hong Kong.
I digress slighly. So the buffet was magnificent and included many yummy western veggie things like mozzerella, olives, chips etc. It also included some of my new Asian favourites like inari and vegeteble tempura. Our teachers were damned if they were going to quit early and disobey the instruction to eat any less than all they could. Most of them demolished 3 plates of seafood, a bit of salad, a plate of mini-cakes and some ice cream while my Buddha belly struggled to cope with a plate and a half of yummies followed by a scoop of mango sorbet. How do they do it? They are all so skinny and beautiful and despite the fact they are my age or older they all look as fresh faced as the recent school-leavers who were celebrating their graduation out on the balcony. There must be something in the DNA. So why has no one found out what it is and started marketing it? They'd make a fortune!
I did manage to force down some Bird's Nest Soup for the first time this evening. For those not in the know, this isn't a cute name for something innocuous, it's actually made of, y'know, bird's nest. Or rather, it's made by taking the nest of the bird (the cave swift usually), which has been stuck together by gooey spit and dissolving it in water, giving it what Wikipedia describes as a 'unique texture' and I would describe as perfectly bearable as long as you forget what it is you are drinking. No birds are harmed in the making of this soup by the way (unless you have the soup with the blood mixed in- euwwww), the spit is just a by-product like milk. Even so, I'm not sure I'll be knocking it back too often. For one its terribly, painfully sweet. For the other, it is a ludicriously expensive delicacy, a kilogram of white nest costing up to 2000 US dollars (Wiki again). Two grand for bird gob!
Lucky little me then had lots of pressies given to her. Kimmy Mummy got me some green tea. Quote: 'I go to Shenzen to buy. Chinese green tea very expensive in Hong Kong, much cheaper in Shenzen'. (There's that Hong Kong honesty again!) My friend Katherine (Miss Ho) got me a very cool notebook with 'Shoeaholic' on it and seven facemasks, one a day for a week. Just enough time to do those before Jakarta rolls round. Wing (Miss Lam) and Tracy (Miss Ho) got me my name in Chinese characters painted calligraphy style- how cool is that?!! My Chinese name is Ma Lai Shan incidentally, although the first syllable is where my Chinese surname should go. I'm not sure you could pimp Coghlan Chinese-style though, or condense it into one syllable, besides Ma is Kimmy Mummy's surname so adopting it for my Chinese surname makes me part of her family.
Chris (Miss Cheong) who is probably the teacher I'm closest to bought me a very cool wallet and keyring from a funky design shop called G.O.D (Goods of Desire). The pattern on them is called Ya Ma Tei, named after the neighbourhood near me and depicts the old-school flats about shops, with their peeling white paintwork and laundry on bamboo sticks. I'd already purchased the pillowcases in that pattern as a souvenir so was made up to have further accessories. She also gave me a mobile phone holder, which was designed to look like a bustier dress, very burlesque. Odd she should get it so spot on, maybe burlesque leaks out my pores no matter how hard I try to hide it.
I think one of the reasons Chris and I are friendly is because we are the only unmarried teachers on the staff. I have no idea how she's managed to survive the constant 'Have you got a boyfriend, get nice boyfriend, MARRY' enslaught, when I've only had it for two years, not a whole lifetime and already I'm pig sick of it. Funny thing is though, she HAS got a boyfriend. She'd been mentioning 'a friend' who lives in London recently then told me at dinner today that he was her boyfriend but to keep it a secret. Why? Apparently he's in accounting, I'm betting he'd be earning more dollar than guys on the same level here which would mean he was an excellent catch by HK standards. Even if he's Quasimodo it's far better to have any boyfriend at all than to be single (Hong Kong is much like how my mother describes the late 1950s/early 60s) I don't know, we shouldn't mock, she must have her reasons for this secrecy. Maybe there's something really wrong with him. Maybe he won't buy her Louis Vuitton.
Finally, this being HK, I had to pose for an endless series of pictures with the teachers and all that smiling and giggling gave my jaws a happy ache. In our final group shot, everyone crammed in and Katherine ended up hugging me with her head on my chest. 'Very soft' she proclaimed. Then Miss Chan jokingly pulled her top down a little to mirror my cleavage, so I did the same. 'Oh Melissa!' Katherine exclaimed 'You are so open!', neatly veryfing my decision to run two facebook profiles as correct. If only she knew exactly HOW open, eh?
Today I have: Remembered with amusement my friend Ben's suggested deadpan response to the next guy who tries to chat me up by boasting he's a banker: "How unique". Invented my own new adage: "Love is like syphillis- you catch it via sex and both are apt to send you mad eventually"
No comments:
Post a Comment