Greetings all,
So I've been away with the fairies for a little while and not posted, mainly because there was nothing to say. It's all been dull, dull, unemployment, dull, dull, occasional rescue by a kind friend who's taken me boozing, dull, dull, etc etc. As I mentioned to one friend, I’ve been as much fun as a yeast infection of late. And no one wants to read a blog by a yeast infection, do they?
BUT things are finally on the move. I'm so impatient, I always want everything to happen RIGHT NOW, but this is not how the Universe works, is it? Bide your time, learn your lessons. Thankfully, my time has now been bided (?!!), and I have a job (temporary and not very exciting but it's work), I am doing courses (freelance journalism on Monday nights, social psychology will start on Tuesdays in a couple of weeks time). There are mega cheap rates for the unemployed so I'm making lemonade out of those lemons!
Anyway, I will elaborate on all the above at some point, (how lucky for you!?!) but that's not the reason for me posting. The reason I'm posting is that my mum found some of my old schoolwork, including an infamous piece I remember writing in my last year at primary school. It was entitled 'When I Grow Up' and illustrated with possible pictures of me, as a grown-up, in the future. You will see I already thought of myself as a fabulous multi-tasker; oh for the confidence we all had at 10! Here's the text, complete with spelling mistakes below:
"When I grow up I would like to be a clothes designer and an author. If I chose a sporting career I will proberbly be a dancer, an ice-skater or a show-jumper. If I choose a more glamorus career I will be a model or a Actress, Also if I become a sports person I wouldn't mind being a Tennis player."
Isn't it funny how, when we were little, none of us ever said "I want to work in middle-management in a large corporation" or, indeed "I want to be a mid-weight front-end developer". I suppose some of us grow out of childish dreams, some of us give up on them and some of us make compromises as other things become more important. But I think our 10 year old selves, and the hopes we had, have a kind of truth to them. We knew what we wanted and were confident it would happen. That is before we got scared we couldn't do it, or wouldn't earn enough money doing it, or that everyone would laugh at us because we were too crap.
This little glimpse of my past is especially important to me now that I've finally decided to try and make writing my career. Writing is really all I've ever wanted to do but I’ve always been far too scared to go for it or to define myself as ‘a writer’ in case someone spits in my face and says “No you’re fucking not you LOSER!”. Then I would have to run away crying and live out the rest of my life hiding in London’s sewerage system.
Obviously it’s not right for all of us to follow the dreams we scribbled down as snotty school kids. Then the world would have far too many astronauts or cowgirls or dinosaurs. But I think little 10 year old Mel was right. I knew what I wanted back then and even if it takes me till I’m 60 to get there I'm going to try and stick with it.
The writing that is. I don’t think I’m likely to become a model anytime soon.
You write therefore you are a writer. You've done it as a job, too. So there can be no doubt! When I was younger I wanted to be a flying vet.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know what i wanted to be when I was young. I knew I didn't want to be a doctor, or a firefighter... and definitely not a teacher.
ReplyDelete