When staring at the calendar, noting I’m here for 3 more weeks it’s hard to believe I will ever leave. I can no longer imagine walking down the arrivals tunnel at Chek Lap Kok, a jaunty spring in my step, revelling in the knowledge that I’ll be home within an hour, hour and a half tops and that the MTR, buses and taxis are all there to help me. Jakarta is a dark nightmare.
Of course, I’m exaggerating in true drama queen style. Mercifully, the thing I have come here to do, work on the WISE project has been interesting, amusing and educational. We have the premiere of the girls’ film tomorrow (as I type, frantic, last-minute editing is taking place)which is going to be a proud moment. Some of the footage they’ve shot is incredibly moving; there was silence all round when we watched a drug user nonchalantly sticking a needle in her leg then calmly smoking, looking off into the distance and an interview with a HIV positive woman had more than a few people in tears.
Our girls are themselves a mix of ex drug-users, sex workers, transgendered woman and HIV positive women. As such, when the project first started there was a ‘car-crash’ moment for me pretty much every day. By this I mean a moment where I get KAPOWED! and all I can do is shrug and be very British about things, saying ‘Oh!’ or perhaps ‘Oh! That’s nice!’ For example, one our gals mentioned she had ‘many boyfriends’. “She means clients” hissed another. Oh! Or the time when of our transgendered women (who’s in her 30s) mentioned she has a boyfriend who is still in high school! Oh! That’s nice! Another asked me if I was sleepy one morning and when I replied ‘Yes! Coffee, coffee, coffee!’ she responded ‘Me too! Methadone, methadone, methadone!’ Lovely! Whatever works! I’ve got quite used to things now though; when some of the gals who are going through withdrawal are a bit edgy or when I actually saw a pic of the high school boyfriend (YIKES!). Just rolling with it is, I think, the most important lesson I’ve learnt.
Another thing I’m remembering is a lesson I’m calling ‘When you’re in charge, take charge!’ although I must say I’m learning it from Dani rather than doing it so much myself! Before Vixening I’d never really been in charge of anything and I’m still very far from being a ‘take charge’ kinda gal. Take charge of my own life, yes, but of other people? Nah! I’ve done a teeny bit here though, as on Tuesday I took the games for the morning which was fun but slightly nerve-wracking (especially when, halfway through the 3rd game we played, I completely forgot the point of doing it!) The first game was my fave though- we did a blindfold obstacle course where the girls took it in turns to be blindfolded while the others shouted instructions to guide them round. Trust and team work being the purpose of course and Dani and I were not exempt from playing (which meant we learnt the Bahasa for ‘left’, ‘right’ and ‘straight on’ pretty quick). Then we went outside for more games (led by me!) and things went fairly smoothly. The trouble is, when I’m in even the tiniest position of authority I imagine someone will say ‘And why the fuck are you in charge, what can YOU do?’ which is of course my own negative inner monologue. But when you ASSUME authority, you HAVE authority. It does help if you know what the hell you’re talking about I suppose but when called upon I’m reasonably good at faking it.Enough to make it through alive anyway!
And I’ve learnt another thing. I like cities with well organised public transport networks. I cannot even tell you the number of times our taxi drivers have ‘got lost’, even on the way to our office which is ten minutes from our hotel! They seem to see a white face and think we don’t know where we are going and we have lots of money they can screw out of us. When every journey ends in an argument you tend to get a bit stressed. Add to that banking difficulties and illnesses for both me and Dani and some general unhelpfulness and the result is that everything in Jakarta is FUCKING FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!! Next week Dani and I are moving into a ‘crack den’ (kidding, it’s a house owned by a charity we are working with and it’s not that bad, though our mattresses are on the floor) and will be working on our own film on enforced disappearances in the 1990s. It’s going to be interesting for sure, but I have no doubt that our frustrations are not at an end! Stay tuned for more swearing, rants of hatred and bowel updates!
What I like today: Our taxi driver only getting lost 3 times today, Tiger Balm, Dani ordering pizza for all of us for dinner- yes! No rice!
What I don’t like today: Tummy troubles, weird blocked ear troubles, impending financial issues, that the project ends tomorrow and it’s been the only thing keeping me sane!
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